FIGHT

Like some of you I have been at war with this "guy" for many years now & I'm sick of it. Most people won't admit they're in this fight because mentioning his name is feared to be a sign of weakness.

 Ironically He knows my weaknesses and attacks me there. I've been kicking & punching back with all my might. A few times I've knocked him down for the count. As the ref is counting to ten for the knockout I think this time I got him, he's out! Then as the count gets to 8, he's back up in my face attacking me again!!

I know there are people in my corner, but often he prevents me from getting to them by telling me they won't help me, they're busy fighting their own battles, your too much trouble.

He's knocked me down too many times to count! A few of those times, I thought I was done....down for the count....throwing in the towel, finished, but through my trainer, I gathered the strength to get back up. . 

Another round. Ding-ding....

My arms are tired, legs are exhausted, I'm physically, mentally and spiritually wiped out because of this one guy; but I keep fighting and fighting because I long for the taste of Victory over this horrible guy! There Was a time when no matter what he said or did he could not phase me.

I know people who have been in knockdown dragout fights with him. Sadly, a few of them tapped out of their fight, they threw in the towel. They were always so positive & upbeat I didn't even know they were in the same fight until their fight was over forever.

They did what Ive been doing and didn't ask for help. Some applied the #1 rule of "Fight Club" and didn't talk about the fight with this guy or I'd have jumped in the ring and fought with/for them.

Also, I know some who continue to win their battle. They applied street fight rules that in fighting there are no rules, so they had a few people in the ring with them fighting this guy, attacking him from all sides until they knocked him out! 

They had people who helped them up.  

I feel stuck. On one hand I think, I need to ask for help fighting this guy!. The other is complicated because I am supposed to be strong enough to fight this on my own I'm a "UFC" type and am expected to win battles on my own.(not to sound boastful) but I mean, I'm the one that a lot of people come to to help them in their battle! If I need to ask for help to fight the same battle then people won't ask me to help them fight their battle and I LOVE to help people with their battle, I was created for that. I am confident in helping people fight their battle but not my own same battle, as crazy as that sounds.

He's beat me down to the point to where I don't even recognize myself anymore. Because of this battle, it's caused me to be isolated and separated from my family and friends. 

Because of This guy, there are people that I love very much and they are very special to me and I've let them down because of what he's done to me.

 But I want to hear the theme music from Rocky in the background and get up off the mat tighten up my boxing gloves, wipe the sweat off my brow and get ready to battle.

  I need help (there I said it) to start doing some serious Beatdown. I've got to make up on some disappointments that I've caused the people that were counting on me for things and I didn't fulfill my words and being there for them.

As I type these words I struggle now to even admit I'm fighting this man named DEPRESSION.

 Like many of you I never thought I would say the words Tiger and depression in the same sentence.

STORMS

I came across this old blog I wrote several years ago. I needed it again, maybe someone else does too. 

"How long have I been in this storm..."  Storm by Lifehouse

As I read the lyrics to Lifehouse's song "Storm", it caused my heart to begin to reflect and be encouraged, this is what God showed me...

We all face storms in life. It’s unfortunately one of the harsh realities of our time on this earth. Jesus even warned us,”in this world you will face trouble…” If you are like me, after I’m through the storm I look back and confidently exclaim how I knew God would get me through it, which is true! It’s the times when I am in some rough waters spiritually and the wind and waves are crashing against me that I need to practice what I preach. I need to remember the storms I have already come through and the beautiful rainbows that followed. 

Looking back on how difficult a storm WAS is easier than being IN the storm and looking forward to the rainbow. I don’t quite understand that, since God has promised us that HE will never leave us nor forsake us. (Hebrews 13:5) The reality is when we get tangled up and off track, we lose focus and get down, but we need to Stand up, brush ourself off and say. I will overcome. As Rascal Flatts so brilliantly explains:

. 'Cause when push comes to shove

You taste what you're made of

You might bend 'til you break'

Cause it's all you can take

On your knees you look up

Decide you've had enough

You get mad, you get strong

Wipe you hands, shake it off

              Then you stand, 

I know the rainbow awaits, when it will appear I don’t know but I WILL wait BECAUSE I AM a child of God and as HE promised Moses, HE promises us, “I {God} will go with you, I will see the journey to the end.” Exodus 33:14

During the storm I believe its ok for us to be upset at God, to beat on HIS chest with the questions of why me, why another storm? But, I caution to do this in a way that will turn us TOWARD HIM not away from HIM. God actually tells us we have the right to do that in 1 Peter 5:7 “cast ALL your cares on HIM because HE cares for you.” If He didn’t care for you He wouldn’t want you to tell Him your concerns, worries, hurts or fears. HE ALREADY KNOWS THEM ANYWAY!!! He just wants us to express those to Him. To build that "Daddy-Child"relationship. It feels so good to get things off your chest, whether that’s telling God or sharing with a friend you can confide in. Our friends are great, they will listen and if they are truly walking with the Lord, very often God speaks wisdom to us through them. A man once told me, regarding storms of life, “Short term pain leads to a long term gain” That is a great paraphrase of 1 Peter 4:12 “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering as though something strange were happening to you but REJOICE that you participate in the suffering of Christ, so that you may be OVERJOYED when HIS GLORY is revealed”